NikkiAidyn's Vampire Journal | Artistic Meanings

NikkiAidyn's Journal

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20:37 Mar 02 2021
Times Read: 384

This is some free writing I have done...

Depression is

Neglecting doing what you love
Because you will "ruin" it anyway.
It's never starting because you
know you won't finish.
And even if you start,
it won't be the same from where you left off..

Depression is being lonely..
but not wanting company
because it gets so tiring to pretend.
Depression is being lonely
but just wanting to be alone;
No one ever understands and
you "just know" they're tired of you anyway.

Depression is sleeping a full right hours
and going back to sleep-
Because life is so tiring.
Or, it's not getting any sleep
because all of your mistakes come back
To haunt you ceaselessly.

Depression is your passion, hope and dreams on fire inside of you...
Until a crippling wave of apathy, anxiety, fear and sadness
washes it all away.

Depression is having a list of goals you want to do
But you just can't bring yourself to do them.
And that happens with everything,
no matter how much you want it.

Depression is letting your friendships, work, and commitments slide
Because you know it will-hopefully- be all over soon anyway.
It's spending months and years watching friends and family
transform their lives while you stagnant and decay,
wondering why you're still here at all.

You wonder why death takes others, but shuns you..
With your many suicide attempts, purposeful overdoses,
and reckless behavior.
It's like death won't let you have what you want..
And life won't let you have it either.
So everyday you continue on anyway,
Hoping a miracle will either cure or kill you.
-NikkiAidyn

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